How to Increase Intimacy in Your Relationship
Have you given birth to a baby and now find the intimacy between your partner and yourself lacking? Sex after baby can be difficult due to a number of reasons – fatigue, hormones, feeling unattractive, and lack of desire, just to name a few. No matter what your reason, there are ways to increase the intimacy in your relationship.
Give it Time
Though it may seem counterintuitive to wait, if you are a new mom and do not feel physically ready to have sexual intercourse, feeling pressured by your partner only serves to push you further away. The intimacy feelings will resume in their own time and it is best to not feel forced to do something you are not ready to do.
You are the only one who knows exactly how you feel physically and mentally. If you are not ready for intimacy, but your partner is, you should clearly communicate why you do not feel ready. Your partner should respect and understand your need to slowly return things to normal. Communicating with your partner is a key to intimacy returning quicker. If your partner is understanding, you will be more appreciative and likely pursue intimacy sooner rather than later.
View Intimacy Differently
Having a baby puts everything on a different schedule. The baby has to be fed every three-to-four hours. In between the baby sleeping, you are doing chores or trying to get caught up on your sleep. This is where intimacy and sex after baby seem like another chore. Try not to view it that way. Your partner loves you, wants to take care of you, and wants to be intimate with you. Look at sexual intercourse as a way for your partner to take care of you, not as another chore to mark off the to-do list.
Allow the Help
How many times has your mom, sister, or a friend told you they would sit with the baby while you rest? Accepting help from family and friends gets you back to normalcy quicker, and can improve your desire for intimacy with your partner. New moms often feel it is their job to do everything when in fact, help is almost a requirement. Your body carried a baby for ten months and then went through childbirth. The fact is, your body is worn out and it takes time to recover. Rest is very important to this process. Allow someone to sit with the baby while you take a two-hour nap. Lack of sleep depletes energy and you end up feeling completely worn out.
Sounds crazy, right? It definitely does but the truth is, getting your blood flowing again and losing the baby weight is all a part of regaining your confidence. Feeling confident in yourself is likely to increase your interest in being intimate. Additionally, if you exercise at a gym instead of at home, you have some “me” time, and every single one of us needs time alone.
Take it Back to Two
“Baby makes three,” is now a fact of life for you and your partner. That does not mean every single thing you do must include the baby. A date night for just the two of you, allows you to reconnect without interruption. This is a great start to restoring the intimacy in your relationship. Try to talk about the same things you did as a couple and not focus the entire conversation on the baby. A weekly or bi-weekly date night gives both of you something to look forward to as a couple, and the plans can eventually lead to sex after baby.
Having a new baby is one of life’s greatest joys. It can also lead to a very unhappy relationship if partners do not communicate and try to understand each other. Sex after baby will happen again. You may even find that the intimacy is better than ever before.